Dartz creates car to commemorate Russian SUV whale penis debacle

Posted in Uncategorized by wolferadio11 on December 10, 2009


by Jonny Lieberman (RSS feed) on Dec 9th, 2009 at 3:29PM

Dartz Whalewatch Penisguard – Click above to view high-res image gallery
Warning: if reading the word “penis” over and over again makes you uncomfortable, you might want to avert your eyes. First of all, the real story here is that Russian super-SUV maker Dartz never wanted to use whale penis skin to cover the seats in their ultra-lux Prombron. They wanted to use whale foreskin. Why? Well, it’s been said that Aristotle Onassis had the bar stools on one of his yachts clothed in sperm whale foreskin. Why did Mr. Onassis do that? Sperm whale foreskin is supposedly the softest leather on earth. Now you know.

Anyhow, for some reason Dartz decided not to go with whale foreskin for their Prombron SUVulger, which would have really

 given new meaning to the phrase “from Russia with love.” Oh, yeah! The reason was a massive international save the whales (and their penises) outcry led by none other than Pamela Anderson. And really, what better advocate could whale wienies have than Pam? For all we know she very well might be the world’s foremost expert on cetacean penis – ever seen that video from her honeymoon? Anyhow, Dartz backpedaled, cut the whale foreskin (so to speak) and then decided to build a special Volga (above) thanking Pam Anderson for helping to save the whales. And their Johnsons.

We think. Look, at this point we’re used to babbling, incoherent ramblings from Dartz. After all, they released the world’s second most incomprehensible press release when they announced no whale members would be harmed during the construction of their gaudy, oligarchical SUV. How do we know it’s only the second most difficult to make heads or tails of? Because Dartz just released the most incomprehensible press release in the world explaining the thinking behind this here car. And you can read all of its unshaven glory after the jump. One more thing: whale penis.

source: autoblog

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