Bullshit Corporate Buzzwords: Cease and Desist
Stop thinking out of the box. Stop having paradigm shifts. STOP: seizing the day, being forward-thinking, saying the pen is mightier than the sword. (It isn’t) The guy with the sword will kill your ass dead. Stop trying to figure out who moved your cheese, there is no cheese. You were lied to. Do not hit the ground running, that is ridiculous. It will hurt far less if you don’t hit the ground at all, but if you have to hit it, go slow.
STOP: trying to make yourself sound both wealthy and well educated by using boardroom terms on the street such as: hocky stick, whitespace, metrics, code, cadence, 30,000ft view, 5,000ft view, north of expectations, drill down, and the ever so annoying ‘just a 6-iron away’ golf analogy.
STOP: having synergy. Synergy is a lame concept brought about because someone in the group sucks. Throw that guy out of the group & move on. Stop saying you gave it 110%. It’s not mathematically possible. You just drank too much coffee and not enough beer.
Stop having win-win situations. That only happened when Pamela Anderson was hot and went boating with Tommy Lee. Stop saying there’s no ‘I’ in ‘team’. There is. Just ask Barry Bonds, Sammy Sosa, Terrell Owens, Kanye West, and Spencer Pratt. T E I M…. And lastly, STOP telling me I can’t have my cake and eat it too. I did. Last night. Next time someone says that, take their cake. They don’t deserve it. It’s all lies.
There. I said it. I’ve heard enough, and I’m begging you all to stop it, please. Do it for the children if nothing else.